🔥 “Long Have I Feared…”
The Lie We Believe About Sin, Sleep, and God
“I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me. And the cost is more than I can bear.”
— Mel Gibson, The Patriot
Don’t unfollow me for this—but The Patriot is easily one of my top five favorite movies of all time.
Something about a father who picks up an axe to defend his children—with fire, retribution, and fearless resolve, no matter the number of enemies—lights a fire in my soul.
It reminds me a lot of God, actually.
But that’s not what today’s post is about.
Today, I want to talk about something that isn’t like God. Something hidden in that unforgettable quote above. Something that might be quietly influencing how you see your own life, your past, your family… and even your sleep.
The Lie: “My Sins Will Come Back to Destroy Me”
There’s a moment in The Patriot when Benjamin Martin (Mel Gibson) opens the drawer where his weapons are hidden. As he grips the axe, he says:
“I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me. And the cost is more than I can bear.”
It’s cinematic. It’s raw.
And it’s theologically… off.
Because it’s rooted in a belief many of us still carry:
That our past sins are lurking, waiting to pounce and punish.
That pain is inevitable. That the cost will come back around.
David’s Reality Was Worse—But His Faith Was Greater
Let’s talk about Psalm 3.
David’s own son, Absalom, has betrayed him. Ten thousand troops are chasing him. His name, his throne, his life—it’s all under attack.
But here’s what’s wild: David wasn’t surprised. He knew this was judgment. God had told him—after his sin with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah—that the sword would never depart from his house (2 Samuel 12:10–11).
This wasn’t random suffering. This was the Refiner’s fire.
And yet… David didn’t pick up an axe with fear. He picked up faith.
Because David knew he wasn’t being punished—he was being purified.
He wasn’t living under rejection. He was living from his calling.
The Psalm of Sleep in the Storm
“I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.”
— Psalm 3:5
Read that again.
The king, hunted. Betrayed by his own son. Disciplined by God.
And yet—he sleeps.
Why? Because he knows:
God is still his shield.
Even in discipline.
Even in danger.
Even when his past is painful.
David wasn't running from fear. He was resting in faith.
In Our World, Sleep Is a Struggle—But It’s Supposed to Be a Blessing
Let’s be real: we don’t rest like that.
We binge scroll. Pop melatonin.
Fall asleep to noise instead of truth.
But Scripture says:
“He gives His beloved sleep.” — Psalm 127:2
Sleep isn’t just natural. It’s spiritual.
It’s an act of trust. A nightly surrender that says:
“You’re God. I’m not. And I believe You’ll carry me through the night.”
Like David, you are called.
You are not under judgment. You are under mercy.
Never Finished Challenge
1. Turn Off the Noise. Turn On the Word.
Here’s the challenge:
Wind down an hour before bed. No screens. No stimulation. Just stillness.
Listen to the Word. Maybe Psalms. Maybe whatever Scripture the Spirit puts on your heart.
Pray like David. Thank God for rest. Ask for peace. Trust Him with tomorrow.
Go to bed on time. Rhythm matters. Rest is holy.
Because some of you are trying to ace every assignment, crush every deadline, and please every person—
but your spirit is running on fumes.
Let me ask you this:
Do you want an A+ on paper and a C– in your soul?
Or an A+ in your soul and a B+ on paper? (Fill in the blank for whatever you are striving for…)
Seminary, Hustle, and What Matters Most
I’m finishing up, Lord willing, my final semester at Dallas Theological Seminary. And I’ve been shocked by the hustle culture among students and the lack of teaching around relationship with God.
In my professors' defense, perhaps they assume our personal devotion is already in place. But too many conversations echo the same line:
“I don’t even remember when I had consistent time alone with the Lord.”
I didn’t go to seminary to get a 4.0. I went to be discipled, to know God deeper.
The One who called me didn’t invite me to study about Him while neglecting to spend time with Him.
2. Expecting Future Discipline for Past Sin Is Not Biblical Grace
That feeling—something terrible is bound to happen because you messed up in the past—is not coming from God's heart.
That’s not grace. That’s guilt rewrapped in fear.
And it will distort how you see your Father.
Yes, sin has consequences. David’s story proves that.
But you, in Christ, are not living under punishment. You’re living under mercy.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1
The Discipline Already Fell—But on Jesus
God’s wrath and justice for your sin already fell—on the cross. Jesus took it all.
What remains for you now is refining love, not retribution.
“He was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him.” — Isaiah 53:5
If God disciplines you now, it is fatherly correction for growth—never payback.
And it is always soaked in mercy. To help you see this as mercy here’s your second challenge:
🔥 Memory Verse Challenge: 1 John 1:9
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” — 1 John 1:9
Memorize this. Preach it to your past. Whisper it before bed. Write it on your mirror.
You are not condemned.
You are not haunted.
You are forgiven.
And, yes, now it is time to obey. And now more than ever, it is time to pursue Jesus daily.
Final Challenge: You Are Called
Some things can wait. Some things should never wait.
The email can wait. The grind will still be there tomorrow.
But time with Jesus?
That should never wait.
Tonight, don’t reach for the axe.
Reach for the Word.
Don’t set a table for the past or ponder a better future.
Rest in His presence today.
Keep showing up.
Sleep like a son or daughter who knows his Father watches over him or her.
What Does Today Say About God?
God is sovereign.
What does that mean?
It means no matter the fire hell produces, no matter the torn flesh earthly thorns create, no matter the silence we sometimes feel—He is still in control.
And not only can I know He is in control—I can rest.
He sustains me.
He provides for me.
He has called me.
And, He has called you.
Thank you, Jesus.